"Late Night" Jokes About Al Gore

"Al Gore spoke on Capitol Hill today to urge lawmakers to do more to fight global warming. He said we're facing a planetary emergency. And you can tell he's serious when he talks about the world ending because he appears to be eating everything in sight." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Congratulations to Al Gore. His movie won an Oscar. Today it got reversed by the Supreme Court. ... Al Gore announced last night that for the first time, the Academy Awards had a green theme. Which is not really true. It's always had a green theme -- money and envy." --Jay Leno

"The big winner of the night was global warming. Everyone jumped on the hybrid bandwagon. But if you ask me, any lowering of emissions they achieved with the limos was canceled out by the amount of smoke they blew up Al Gore's ass." --Stephen Colbert

"If any of you at home are wondering about the former vice president's seeming largess, I will have you know, he has not gained weight.He is so passionate about saving this Earth, he is trying not to exhale. ... Here's an inconvenient truth: cake isn't a food group" --Jon Stewart

"You all ready for the Oscars? ... Al Gore is expected to win for his documentary on global warming. I hope he ... includes President Bush in the acceptance speech. I mean, without President Bush, we probably wouldn't have a lot of this global warming." --Jay Leno

"In an ironic twist, while making a speech on global warming, Al Gore froze to death." --Amy Poehler

"Time Magazine has named everyone their 'Person of the Year.' And somehow, Al Gore still came in second." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people said Al Gore was the best vice president the country ever had. Not to take anything away from Al, but look at the competition. He replaced a guy who couldn't spell 'potato' and was followed by a guy who shot someone in the face." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore is on the show tonight. This just shows you how quickly things can change. I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger spends his days talking about his political agenda. Al Gore is out promoting his new movie. Who would have seen that coming?" --Jay Leno

"Has anybody seen the Al Gore movie about global warming and the environment? Well, the Bush administration has seen it and they are very annoyed about the whole thing. As a matter of fact, earlier today, Dick Cheney shot a projectionist. ... One very dramatic scene in the Al Gore global warming movie is when a glacier melts and they find more Al Gore ballots from the election." --David Letterman

"President Bush told reporters he won't see Al Gore's documentary about the threat of global warming. He will not see it. On the other hand, Dick Cheney said he's seen the global warming film five times, and it still cracks him up." --Conan O'Brien

"Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's blame the humans.'" --Jay Leno

"The Capitol was evacuated after the electrical power went out. People said it was the quickest loss of power in Washington since Al Gore." --Jay Leno

"According to Time magazine, global warming is 33% worse than we thought. You know what that means? Al Gore is one-third more annoying than we thought." --Jay Leno

"In front of a crowd in Florida this past weekend, Al Gore said that, "The people of the United States are going to stand up and take our country back." And then the manager of the karaoke bar took the microphone away and said, "Either sing or sit down buddy." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Yeah, the first chapter talks about how you shouldn't chop down trees to make a book that no one will read." --Conan O'Brien

"At a press conference yesterday NASA announced that 2005 was the hottest year on record. It is so hot, and global warming is so bad, if the presidential election were held today, Al Gore would…still lose." --Jay Leno

"Former Vice President Al Gore gave a passionate 10 minute speech where he criticized President Bush for, quote, repeatedly breaking the law. Those who heard the speech called it the worst elevator ride ever." --Conan O'Brien

"Al Gore yesterday gave a speech an accused President Bush of repeatedly breaking the law. Al Gore issued the statement into a microphone at Taco Bell." --David Letterman

"Al Gore said over the weekend that global warming is more serious than terrorism. Unless the terrorist is on your plane, then that extra half a degree doesn't bother you so much." --Jay Leno

"They say Saddam is delusional. He still thinks he's president and gives speeches standing next to his bed at night. No, wait, that's Al Gore." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore was speaking at a pep rally in Central Park. Because when you think pep, you think Al Gore. I have to be careful about this, because Al Gore is, uh, not a dynamic speaker. Halfway through his speech, squirrels were climbing on him." --David Letterman

"Al Gore gave a fiery speech today claiming that American democracy was in grave danger ... and then his wife said 'Al, just pay the pizza guy and let's eat.'" --Jay Leno

"Al Gore gave a speech this week criticizing the Bush administration, really attacked him. And then Gore took questions from some of the other people waiting in line at Starbucks." --Jay Leno

"According to the Washington Post, 5 out of the top 8 FEMA officials got their jobs with no experience handling disasters, and many got their jobs just cause they worked on the Bush campaign. See this is wrong. If you want people experienced in handling disasters, get people who worked on the Gore campaign." --Jay Leno

"Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said the Iranian election was invalid and the winner was no friend to democracy. To which Al Gore said, 'Hey, tell me about it.'" --Jay Leno

"They're getting closer and closer to the trial for Saddam Hussein and, according to his prison guards hanging around Saddam Hussein, say he's hooked on Cheetos and Doritos. ... Kind of a strange picture, sitting around in his underwear eating Doritos, dreaming of the day he can return to power -- oh wait that's Al Gore." --David Letterman

"Al Gore announced that he's creating an independent cable TV network called Current that will be aimed at 18 to 34 year olds and focus on technology, culture, fashion, television, music, politics, parenting and the environment. Oh My God even his cable channel won't shut up." --Tina Fey

"Howard Dean dropped out. Let's face it, Dean never recovered from that unforgettable disaster in the beginning: Al Gore's endorsement." —Craig Kilborn

"Yesterday the Secret Service caught a former IRS employee outside the White House after he fired three shots from a gun. That is right, the man was immediately arrested and given a job at the post office. ... The Secret Service said that the last weirdo who came that close to the White House before being stopped was Al Gore." —Conan O'Brien

"Today, on the coldest day in over 50 years, Al Gore gave a speech attacking President Bush on global warming. Good timing Al. ... First he grew a beard right before the terrorist attacks — that was smart. Now he is talking about global warming in the middle of winter. What's next — cutting the ribbon at the Michael Jackson Daycare Center?" —Jay Leno