Monday, March 26, 2007

Quote of the year

"Is there a reason for George Strombolopoulos?"
- Jack Todd, Montreal Gazette

Sunday, March 25, 2007

"Late Night" Jokes About Al Gore

"Al Gore spoke on Capitol Hill today to urge lawmakers to do more to fight global warming. He said we're facing a planetary emergency. And you can tell he's serious when he talks about the world ending because he appears to be eating everything in sight." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Congratulations to Al Gore. His movie won an Oscar. Today it got reversed by the Supreme Court. ... Al Gore announced last night that for the first time, the Academy Awards had a green theme. Which is not really true. It's always had a green theme -- money and envy." --Jay Leno

"The big winner of the night was global warming. Everyone jumped on the hybrid bandwagon. But if you ask me, any lowering of emissions they achieved with the limos was canceled out by the amount of smoke they blew up Al Gore's ass." --Stephen Colbert

"If any of you at home are wondering about the former vice president's seeming largess, I will have you know, he has not gained weight.He is so passionate about saving this Earth, he is trying not to exhale. ... Here's an inconvenient truth: cake isn't a food group" --Jon Stewart

"You all ready for the Oscars? ... Al Gore is expected to win for his documentary on global warming. I hope he ... includes President Bush in the acceptance speech. I mean, without President Bush, we probably wouldn't have a lot of this global warming." --Jay Leno

"In an ironic twist, while making a speech on global warming, Al Gore froze to death." --Amy Poehler

"Time Magazine has named everyone their 'Person of the Year.' And somehow, Al Gore still came in second." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people said Al Gore was the best vice president the country ever had. Not to take anything away from Al, but look at the competition. He replaced a guy who couldn't spell 'potato' and was followed by a guy who shot someone in the face." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore is on the show tonight. This just shows you how quickly things can change. I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger spends his days talking about his political agenda. Al Gore is out promoting his new movie. Who would have seen that coming?" --Jay Leno

"Has anybody seen the Al Gore movie about global warming and the environment? Well, the Bush administration has seen it and they are very annoyed about the whole thing. As a matter of fact, earlier today, Dick Cheney shot a projectionist. ... One very dramatic scene in the Al Gore global warming movie is when a glacier melts and they find more Al Gore ballots from the election." --David Letterman

"President Bush told reporters he won't see Al Gore's documentary about the threat of global warming. He will not see it. On the other hand, Dick Cheney said he's seen the global warming film five times, and it still cracks him up." --Conan O'Brien

"Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's blame the humans.'" --Jay Leno

"The Capitol was evacuated after the electrical power went out. People said it was the quickest loss of power in Washington since Al Gore." --Jay Leno

"According to Time magazine, global warming is 33% worse than we thought. You know what that means? Al Gore is one-third more annoying than we thought." --Jay Leno

"In front of a crowd in Florida this past weekend, Al Gore said that, "The people of the United States are going to stand up and take our country back." And then the manager of the karaoke bar took the microphone away and said, "Either sing or sit down buddy." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Yeah, the first chapter talks about how you shouldn't chop down trees to make a book that no one will read." --Conan O'Brien

"At a press conference yesterday NASA announced that 2005 was the hottest year on record. It is so hot, and global warming is so bad, if the presidential election were held today, Al Gore would…still lose." --Jay Leno

"Former Vice President Al Gore gave a passionate 10 minute speech where he criticized President Bush for, quote, repeatedly breaking the law. Those who heard the speech called it the worst elevator ride ever." --Conan O'Brien

"Al Gore yesterday gave a speech an accused President Bush of repeatedly breaking the law. Al Gore issued the statement into a microphone at Taco Bell." --David Letterman

"Al Gore said over the weekend that global warming is more serious than terrorism. Unless the terrorist is on your plane, then that extra half a degree doesn't bother you so much." --Jay Leno

"They say Saddam is delusional. He still thinks he's president and gives speeches standing next to his bed at night. No, wait, that's Al Gore." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore was speaking at a pep rally in Central Park. Because when you think pep, you think Al Gore. I have to be careful about this, because Al Gore is, uh, not a dynamic speaker. Halfway through his speech, squirrels were climbing on him." --David Letterman

"Al Gore gave a fiery speech today claiming that American democracy was in grave danger ... and then his wife said 'Al, just pay the pizza guy and let's eat.'" --Jay Leno

"Al Gore gave a speech this week criticizing the Bush administration, really attacked him. And then Gore took questions from some of the other people waiting in line at Starbucks." --Jay Leno

"According to the Washington Post, 5 out of the top 8 FEMA officials got their jobs with no experience handling disasters, and many got their jobs just cause they worked on the Bush campaign. See this is wrong. If you want people experienced in handling disasters, get people who worked on the Gore campaign." --Jay Leno

"Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said the Iranian election was invalid and the winner was no friend to democracy. To which Al Gore said, 'Hey, tell me about it.'" --Jay Leno

"They're getting closer and closer to the trial for Saddam Hussein and, according to his prison guards hanging around Saddam Hussein, say he's hooked on Cheetos and Doritos. ... Kind of a strange picture, sitting around in his underwear eating Doritos, dreaming of the day he can return to power -- oh wait that's Al Gore." --David Letterman

"Al Gore announced that he's creating an independent cable TV network called Current that will be aimed at 18 to 34 year olds and focus on technology, culture, fashion, television, music, politics, parenting and the environment. Oh My God even his cable channel won't shut up." --Tina Fey

"Howard Dean dropped out. Let's face it, Dean never recovered from that unforgettable disaster in the beginning: Al Gore's endorsement." —Craig Kilborn

"Yesterday the Secret Service caught a former IRS employee outside the White House after he fired three shots from a gun. That is right, the man was immediately arrested and given a job at the post office. ... The Secret Service said that the last weirdo who came that close to the White House before being stopped was Al Gore." —Conan O'Brien

"Today, on the coldest day in over 50 years, Al Gore gave a speech attacking President Bush on global warming. Good timing Al. ... First he grew a beard right before the terrorist attacks — that was smart. Now he is talking about global warming in the middle of winter. What's next — cutting the ribbon at the Michael Jackson Daycare Center?" —Jay Leno

Friday, March 23, 2007

Gazette groupies gird loins for Suzuki worship

In their continuing and infuriating limousine liberal fashion, the Gazette (a crown jewel in the empire consisting of; Newspapers: National Post, Victoria Times Colonist, The Province (Vancouver), Vancouver Sun, Edmonton Journal, Calgary Herald, Regina Leader-Post, Saskatoon StarPhoenix, Windsor Star, Ottawa Citizen, The Gazette, DOSE, Vancouver Island Newspapers, VANNET Newspapers, Global TV, CHCH TV Hamilton, TVTropolis, CoolTV, DejaView, Fox Sports World Canada, LONESTAR, Men TV, Mystery TV, X-TREME Sports TV, CoolFM 99.1, 91.5 The BEAT,,, connecting, celebrating, remembering, renting, shop and CanWest Countries: Australia, New Zealand & Ireland), in what surely must be the most shining example of media diversity and impartiality staged another editorial board love-in with the jet-setting "Laurie David" Suzuki, the "Charles Mansion" king of dirty diesel egomania. Oh for another newspaper in Montreal...somebody summon the ghost of the Star. Or the Sunday Express. Anything. Jim Vani? Bob Amesse? Can you hear me?

The Gazette reported - with a straight face - that the Suze-meister had cris-crossed back east in his 54 passenger (with 8 occupants) Prevost bus, the same model George "Dubya" used in his campaign against John Kerry.

I ask you dear readers, who's more ridiculous, the liberal media and their slavish worship of this unqualified celebrity hypocrite or Suzuki himself and his own arrogant carte blanche "pollution then forgiveness", buying "carbon credits" after each dirty outing (so to speak) with donated money from the naive?

Neither Kubrick nor Python could do as well in staging such a farce. Place a call to Peter Sellers, we'll get him a scraggy glue-on goatee and some granny glasses, he's playing the lead. "Peter, you can use Eric Idle's sandals from the Life of Brian."

Crazy thought: I guess media concentration and mega-mergers are not so bad if they are by people and corporations that spread palm fronds at the feet of the sandal-ed prophet of the moment eh?

Stop the insanity. Stop it now.

Monday, March 19, 2007

What would the Iron Lady say?

I bet she would have a lot to say judging by her recent triumphal public appearance. Her therapy since her stroke has obviously worked wonders.

In any case, here is an amusing link to a BBC story on a certain "wet" Tory:

("Conservative leader David Cameron has been attacked over his green agenda because he cycles to work - but then has his car follow with his briefcase.")

It seems everyone everywhere is getting in on the hysteria and hypocrisy.

Enough I say. Enough already. Everybody do their Peter Finch 'Howard Beale' best out the window, one two three...."I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE!"

You'll feel much better.


Good on the one media outlet for spotting the phony G8 (plus some Third World countries') enviro- and finance minister types for arriving in buses to give the appearance of austerity and ecological sensitivity but departing in the usual limousines. (Sniff)..."But we had a Lear Jet to catch and the sushi and champagne were getting warm!

They must have been watching the Goracle and "Laurie David Suzuki." Less offensive than their high and mighty 'sermon from the mount' hot air but did the apparatchiki really think they could get away with such a stupid and transparent con job???

I guess they did though, the sleeping public and the media who didn't notice saw to that. (Or didn't see to it.) Or did the media deliberately look the other way in their IPCC cheerleader partisan fashion?

Monday, March 12, 2007

Whither the Pickton trial?

Isn't it funny (as in strange) how the media moved on, I really thought they would flog it longer...but there's been Anna Nicole's death and so much more since then....

It seems as if my concerns about my revulsion, their sensationalism and our being bludgeoned to death daily with the vile disgusting details was premature. I'm sure it will pick up again at some point but that's the media's ADD and 'rat pack' behaviour. "Monkey see, monkey do." There is little or no independent thought or action in the media. The increasing concentration of ownership (which would not be permitted in other democracies) only cheats us of the balance and independent thought we deserve.

There are many pontificating ideologues posing as 'mainstream' reporters yes but the cliquey clannish 'herd'-like patterns, well, if the initial hysteria over the shocking details of the Pickton mass murder trial was not a typical example then sudden fading of interest surely is.

Now, let's see them drop last year's joke Al Gore and move on to something or someone else. Enough is enough.

Globe Al Warming

Damn Global Warming!

Sunday, March 11, 2007


When "Global Warming" isn't

The Global Warming that is "destroying" the planet came within one measly day of setting an all time record for the longest outdoor skating season in history on Ottawa's scenic Rideau Canal.

The record cold snap January-date (March 11) has meant the treasured canal has been open for 45 days straight without interruption, coming within ONE day of the previous and still standing all time record. That record was set a long time ago, before "Global Warming". In 2004.

And this after "Laurie David" Suzuki made terrible pronunciations about losing outdoor skating, outdoor hockey rinks and Canadian indentity.

Suzuki lives in a mansion on Kitsilano Beach in Vancouver and has another mansion somewhere in BC, possibly on Saltspring Island.

Hours after his dire warnings of the end of the Canadian hockey loving way of life the Toronto Maple Leafs practised outside in T.O. in frigid temperatures to the delight of school aged fans. The Leafs looked terribly uncomfortable in their balaclavas beneath their helmets but that's what you've got to do to stay safe from frostbite when it's -20C or worse.

To compound the insanity Suzuki then came to Ottawa (one of several winter visits by jet airplane or by his huge 54 seat Prevost dirty diesel bus) for an OUTDOOR hockey game featuring Edmonton Oilers alumni, only to be seen trembling by an open fire, trying to keep himself warm with Gord downer of the Practically Hip.

End of our way of life eh?

The two longest and most successful canal seasons? 2007 and 2004. Sounds like a trend to me. A "hockey stick climate change" perhaps?

Friday, March 9, 2007

Climate Change: science speaks out

The Weather Network's judgement

Am I the only one who objects to the politicization of the Weather Network? Their jumping into bed with the celebrity climate change "expert" David Suzuki is offensive to me. The strange combination of adolescent 'fawning' over the profane prophet of pollution as well as the saturation of their airwaves (okay, I know they're cable-only - and more on that momentarily) by him combines fawning with filler.

But now something equally serious has reared its head: online I have notice three "blind" ads for Scientology. Is this appropriate or responsible? Would the CBC, CTV, Global, Rogers, Shaw or any other broadcaster sell advertising space on their website to such a group, let alone "blind" advertising/recruitment spots? I don't think so.

So when the Weather Network began their pleas on television this week that their viewers should launch a defence of the network against cable companies deleting it or at least changing TWN's status from 'free' (automatically included in the basic cable packages du jour) to in some cases a specialized 'pay' package only, their request fell on deaf ears in my case.

First throwing their lot in with the controversial, authoritarian, hypocritical and frequently insufferable Suzuki and now selling advertising space to Scientology (and 'blind' ads at that), well, that's just
about enough thank you.

I will not be making any intercessions on their behalf with the CRTC or the cable companies, those two giant mis-steps have alienated me.

It's not as if no one would step in to take their place or you couldn't look online, check another so-called 'regular' broadcaster for their forecast(s). And you'd probably never see any Scientology recruiting - or Suzuki recruiting for that matter.

Yes Canadians need something like TWN. And they will get it. Preferably without the politics or the sneaky ads about "psychiatry killing people." Shades of Tom Cruise's outburst. Celebrity big mouths don't thrill me, whether it's as global warming "experts" or as spokespeople/front men for...let's say "other controversial groups."

Enough already.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Ottawa Sun article on Suzuki March 7

"Suzuki: Mean and not so green"


Many years ago -- about 20 -- I was a green reporter (in every sense of the word) and was assigned to cover an event for my Vancouver newspaper in the Stein Valley of B.C.'s coast mountains.

The gala in that pristine alpine meadow included performances by the likes of Long John Baldry and John Denver.

Besides the incredible view, my most vivid memories were that Denver was kind and accessible, Baldry was as zany as you would expect; and David Suzuki was surprisingly rude.

I approached Suzuki to get a quick quote about the importance of saving this wilderness from logging.

He was curt. "Not now," he said. Silly me, but I took that to mean later. So, a little later and a lot more sheepishly, I approached the renowned environmentalist again and again he snapped, "not now." Shortly before I was slated to get back on the helicopter and head back to civilization to file my stories, I approached Suzuki one last time. This time he was clearer. "F--- off," he snapped.

In my column last week in which I pointed out the hypocrisy of Suzuki choosing luxury and comfort over the environment by using a "rock-star style bus" in a cross-country tour, I received hundreds of e-mails -- most agreeing with me but many others echoed their eco hero with the same expletive!

I was also accused of being an "earth hater," "bad mother," and "mouth-piece for big oil" simply for pointing out Suzuki and Al Gore don't walk their talk.

In an effort to save time and emissions by being able to turn off my computer sooner, here's my response to those e-mail writing critics.

Firstly, not believing in the unproven hypothesis that humans are the cause of warming doesn't mean I don't care about the Earth.

I love this planet, always will, but unlike Suzuki and Gore, I don't believe humans are the drivers of climate change and I have interviewed many climate scientists whose peer-reviewed reports back that up.

What's more, I am 99% certain that I have a smaller carbon footprint than Suzuki. My only home is much smaller than his beach-front mansion in Vancouver. I know that because as a teen and young adult, my friends and I used to party on said beach and sometimes saw Suzuki wander about in his yard.

During an editorial board meeting here in Calgary several years ago, I mentioned to Suzuki I used to see him at his huge home and he asked "which house?" He's got more than one!


Like him, I pay a little bit extra for power generated by renewable energy -- in my case, wind power.

I have relatively new energy efficient appliances and use compact fluorescent bulbs. I recycle virtually everything that comes into my home and have done so long before recycling was a "program." Here in Calgary, where there is still no curbside collection, we drive our recyclables to a nearby depot weekly.

My family composts year round, always has and donates money to wilderness preservation.

As for Suzuki, after arriving in Victoria following his 30-day tour on the diesel-spewing bus too big for his needs, he flew to Ottawa for a press conference.

In these days of live satellite digital communication, is that really necessary or environmentally sound?

I tried to find out from his foundation whether he flew commercial or on a private jet. My repeated calls over two days have not been returned. In their own more polite way, Suzuki's loyal staff were telling me to f- off!

That's okay. But they should know when it comes to our love of the environment, we're not that different. I just have better manners.

Monday, March 5, 2007

"Gore Effect" added to the Urban Dictionary

This wickedly yuck-a-licious tidbit just out:

"Gore Effect" added to the Urban Dictionary

The well documented phenomenon that leads to very low, unseasonal temperatures, driving rain, hail, snow or all of the above whenever Al Gore visits an area to discuss global "warming". Hence the "Gore Effect."

- Australia, November 2006: Al Gore is visiting two weeks before summer begins. The Gore Effect strikes: "Ski resort operators gazed at the snow in amazement. Parents took children out of school and headed for the mountains. Cricketers scurried amid bullets of hail as Melburnians traded lunchtime tales of the incredible cold." (The Age)

- New York, March 2004: "Gore chose January 15, 2004, one of the coldest days in New York City's history, to rail against the Bush administration and global warming skeptics... Global warming, Gore told a startled audience, is causing record cold temperatures." (NY Environment News)

Hey, West LA and Malibu even had their own tribute to Al Gore's Oscar: The last snowfall recorded at Los Angeles International Airport was in January 1962, according to the National Weather Service. It happened this again this February. BRRR!

Country singer Kathy Mattea - one of Al Gore’s climate cultists - recently delivered the Goracle's message to a Utah crowdlet:

Mattea, yet another "celebrity expert" enlisted by Gore to give presentations like the one featured in his documentary, “An Inconvenient Truth,” spoke to a crowd (sic) of several dozen people at the Orem City Council chambers, asking them to take action against global warming.

A few days on, Utah suffered massive Gore Effect:

A man died in Washington County, homeless people were turned away from a packed shelter in St. George and records fell across the state Sunday as an arctic cold front settled over Utah.

In all, 16 record-low minimum and 16 record-low maximum temperatures were set or met in Utah.

(Laurie David Suzuki had the same effect on our February in Canada with his Dirty Diesel Bus Tour btw, coast to coast record or near-record lows!)

February cold: breaking records worldwide

Excuse me while I get out my mink-lined thong...

So after what has been in some cases a record-breaking February here are the facts: a city in Siberia set a new all-time low temperature of -56C. South Carolina had the coldest February on record. California had one of the coldest Feb's ever. Here in Ottawa Canada, the second coldest capital city in the world already (only "wursted" by Ulan Bator of Mongolia) we had one of the six coldest Februaries on record. The temperature in the southern Atlantic has dropped over two degrees, making last year one of the 'lightest' ever for violent storms. And the northern Indian resort town of Shimla had the coldest February on record and the most snow since 1908!

Serve these plums to Chicken Littles everywhere:

A new report on climate over the world's southernmost continent shows that temperatures during the late 20th century did not climb as had been predicted by many global climate models.

This comes soon after the latest report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change that strongly supports the conclusion that the Earth's climate as a whole is warming, largely due to human activity.

It also follows a similar finding from last summer by the same research group that showed no increase in precipitation over Antarctica in the last 50 years. Most models predict that both precipitation and temperature will increase over Antarctica with a warming of the planet.

David Bromwich, professor of professor of atmospheric sciences in the Department of Geography, and researcher with the Byrd Polar Research Center at Ohio State University, reported on this work at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science at San Francisco.

"It's hard to see a global warming signal from the mainland of Antarctica right now," he said. "Part of the reason is that there is a lot of variability there. It's very hard in these polar latitudes to demonstrate a global warming signal. This is in marked contrast to the northern tip of the Antarctic Peninsula that is one of the most rapidly warming parts of the Earth."

Bromwich says that the problem rises from several complications. The continent is vast, as large as the United States and Mexico combined. Only a small amount of detailed data is available. There are perhaps only 100 weather stations on that continent compared to the thousands spread across the U.S. and Europe. And the records that we have only date back a half-century.

"The best we can say right now is that the climate models are somewhat inconsistent with the evidence that we have for the last 50 years from continental Antarctica .

"We're looking for a small signal that represents the impact of human activity and it is hard to find it at the moment," he said.

It's not that Mark Johnson, Dick Goddard, Mark Nolan, Jon Laufman or former Cleveland weatherman Don Webster disbelieve the data entirely.

But they're skeptical, and they don't believe that it's necessarily our fault or that we should panic over it.

"We have maybe 100 years of data on a rock that's 6 billion years old," said Johnson, a WEWS Channel 5 weatherman. "Mother Nature tends to even herself out, and the fact is, the Earth is cyclical."

Goddard, WJW Channel 8 meteorologist, said scientists have flip-flopped on the matter: "I have a file an inch thick from 30 years ago that says the planet was cooling," he told the crowd of several hundred.

They cautioned listeners not to put too much stock in what they said was an insufficient history of warming.

"The term global warming' strikes fear in the heart of people every time you say it, but it's simply a rise in temperature over time, and it's happened before," said Nolan, meteorologist at WKYC Channel 3. "I'm not sure which is more arrogant for humans: to say we caused it or to say we're going to fix it."