Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Can anyone tell me what the ___ happened with regards to the latest politically correct kerfuffle in sport?
Some idiot threw a banana on the ice when a player (who happened to be black) was about to take a tiebreaker in the shootout between Philthydelphia and Detroit. And it occurred in London, ON.
Where was the thrower? How high up? Could he tell the player was black? Did he care? Why didn't he throw the fruit earlier in the game, on said black player's first or second shift? How did he know it was going to a shootout? Can liberals read his mind? What if he had thrown a pear or an apple? Or a squid, Detroit's projectile of choice?
In any case the guy has been arrested, which is good because it's dangerous and stupid to throw anything on the ice at a hockey game. But to further inflame the silly season McMurtry-esque hand wringing said black player used the "fag" epithet in a very heated exchange with the Rangers' idiot Sean Avery.
Will Simmonds now be arrested? Will be be sent to reeducation camp the way Avery was when he loosed his famous "sloppy seconds" brain fart?
Shi* happens. You can't say you knew what was in the fruit thrower's mind, just fine him for throwing something on the ice. The thought police have no place in sport.
Or anywhere else.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Two truthers are tragically killed in an auto accident. They go to heaven and are brought before God. One of the truthers asks: "God, I really need to know, who was behind 9/11?"
God replies: "FOR THE LAST TIME, IT WAS A BUNCH OF ANGRY MUSLIMS!"
One truther leans over and whispers to the other: "Wow, this is bigger than we thought!"
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Can we wait until Jarred Tinordi becomes the potential Pronger-Chara dirt-dealing monster his boosters project him to be?
The main obstacle in the east to the Canadiens is the Slovak Assassin. True, the Canadiens' little men can morph into nasty little Smurfs like Gary Howatt but it's not going to happen.
The Gomez and Gionta response to Chara's near decapitation of outstanding forward Max Pacioretty which effectively decapitated the Habs' chances spring 2011 is more than instructive. It's something that's been going on for fifteen years.
I was never a fan of Chelios, Ludwig and I never approved of Vinny Damphousse's surgical skills with a stick (bordering on "Wild Wilf" Paiement craziness) but hey, if the other team has nothing to fear then incidents like the Chara assault happen and the B's get bigger bolder and bully-er.
This has to change this year.
Everyone on the Canadiens has to play meaner, dirtier, every Chara shift should feature at least a thousand paper cuts and bee stings. Slash his wrists, hack his ankles, hit him, hit him, hit him, talk, yap and rub it in.
Max Lapierre and Guy Latendresse understood. Georges Laraque didn't. Hal Gill can't, it would muss up his dress.
Unless the CH gets at least ONE biggie NOW who can protect the troops, there's going to be another "hockey play."
And do you want to hear those ignoranus brunes fans crowing again? I didn't think so.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Ever wonder why Canadiens fans are bored to death with the Canadiens the last 25 years? I won’t cheerlead for the likes of Martin and Gauthier. Or even Price, who is a terrific talent who has yet to deliver on his promise in the playoffs. If Price wants cred (outside his male groupie circle) and $$$ he has to go at least two rounds this year. I remember when Canadiens fans literally saw the team win every two years. That’s the Stanley Cup friends, Not one or two rounds. Now too many people accept the mediocre offerings and a quick exit from the extra season every year. Insist on more, insist on entertaining hockey. It WAS the Canadiens’ trademark.
I can’t be the only one wanting revenge against Chara, Julien & Co. Do you think Toe Blake or Scotty Bowman would have let them get away with it?
Saturday, July 30, 2011
The guy is a journeyman for freaking sakes!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
It's an easy one to spot. The problem is they have this glorious history and mediocre quarter century since anything approaching a dynasty.
Hell, the last superstars were Patrick Roy and Stephane Richer with a slight nod to the couple of very good (and nasty) years Vinny Damphousse had with le Canadien in the early '90's.
(Clearing throat)...the only fun we've really had since 1993 was 2010's Halak Miracle and he was jettisoned for the still unproven Luongo-Price. Not a classy (or Schmart) move. Disgusting.
But the signing of Eric Cole and the possibility of one or two roast beefsters on the D and or 3rd or 4th line (Konopka, he of 300+ penalty minutes?) along with the blossoming of PK, MaxPac, Eller well...funny how things can change.
Yes it's a crime Pouliot was given the "Breezer" hyena treatment by some mouth breathers (not good enough for Habs service he signs with the Stanley Cup champions) and bringing back yes another 5'8" 180 nobody from the K...well... YAWN.
But the thought of Max and Cole causing havoc up front and in the crease itself...well...even I have to say I am the most optimistic I've been in...two years. Ha.
Come on October.
Now who's going to break Chara's nose for me???
Saturday, June 25, 2011
So yes the Canadiens made a good pick, took Beaulieu 17th when he was projected top ten. He's big (6'3") has wheels and offence and should be a great match with PK (though not necessarily on the same pairing) for many years to come. When he makes the bigs.
Still, talk of giving up on yet another promising offensive big French Canadian kid troubles me. Pouliot beat Redden, wailed on Krejci (knocking him out), is a fine skater and has one of the best releases and quickest wrist shots on the team. (If only he would shoot more.) Yes he folds under pressure but who is putting pressure on him, why and how much? The benchings are chippy and show poor judgement. Again.
You can teach defensive play (Carbonneau) but you can't teach offence. It's a gift from God. Pouliot has got it.
Looks like Goat is going to piss another one away though.
And speaking of bad decisions or no decisions, who's going to break Chara's nose? Really bloody it? Ruin his sweater? Whip his ass in front of the hockey world for what he did to Pacioretty? We need one guy 6'4 or 6'5" and 240# who can kick his ass. Regularly. Punk him out. Humiliate him. Scare him. Turn the bully into the cowardly little girl he really is.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Game seven. At long miserable merciful last.
60 minutes then no more crying caterwauling and conspiracy theories from the Broons and their loutish violent players and fans.
Nathan Horton miraculously recovers from his "severe concussion" and is cleared by Dr. Recchi for the flight to Vancouver to inspire his teammates. (Rightly) no suspension for the back breaking hit on Raymond but wrong on the non-call on ice, it was 2 for blatant interference.
And a nice performance again by the inmates of the Toronto Dominion Gah-dens as the injured player lay on the ice and then was carted off like a jellyfish in agony . "Ah ya fag! Dive-ah!" Pure class all the way.
This team and its fans have a bizarre cult-ish persecution complex/dementia.
A standing ovation for Zdeno Chara after he broke Max Pacioretty's neck and gave him a severe concussion. Somehow - somehow - Chara was the aggrieved party!
They seem incapable of comprehending that their ugly antics have created a stain which won't come out in the wash. People judge you by your actions on and off the ice. Behave like animals, scream for blood (literally), assault opposing fans in and around the arena, give standing ovations to players who deliberately or otherwise injure opponents then invoke a curious 'oh woe is me' double standard when your soldiers fall...well, enough.
I'm sick to death of both the league's approach and the Broons players, management and fans strange 'caveman meets Oliver Stone' act.
If the Bruins win it will be the worst thing to happen to hockey since the Philthydelphias won it in 1974. The Defilers had a good two year run, abetted by the likes of John "See No Evil" Ashley & Co. but Scotty Bowman and a talented physical Canadiens team had something to say in 1976 - beginning in the pre-season - and from there on in hockey ruled.
(Re) Birth of a dynasty and hockey was saved. The Islanders and Oilers dynasties continued the mix of talent - and enough muscle to protect the Lafleurs, Bossys and Gretzkys.
Oh that the Canucks were capable of stopping the Luchickens and FrankenCharas.
It's all down to the incredibly enigmatic Luongo, the Jekyll and Hyde of Hockey. Which one shows tonight? Don't tell me the Gooins model will triumph and become a template for the next several years. Please.
Go Canucks Go.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Mercifully we're a game (or two) away from the end of the NHL season.
A season which for me ended when my team, the Montreal Canadiens impersonators, were eliminated in the seventh game in OT in Boston.
A season in which deliberate and careless and even some accidental Traumatic Brain Injuries finally no longer became a joke ("Oooo he's hearing the cuckoo clock now people!") but were taken seriously by most fans and media.
The only reason the NHL brass (unfortunately their balls are not brass) has attempted to deal with the issue is due to heat from fans media sponsors and even government. Scott Stevens in the Hall of Fame anyone?
Zdeno Chara nearly decapitates Mac Pacioretty and the league and NHLPA's response? "Hockey play."
The incredibly execrable refereeing last night shocked some apparently. Glad to know I wasn't alone.
But is it really a surprise in a league where the commish is the calibre of Gary ($7.2 million a year) Bettman?
We are in charge people. We own the game.
Keep the heat on.
And go Canucks.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
"What of the children!?!?"
The hysterical reaction to a coyote in Morgan's Grant has stirred tabloid pens and brought hand-wringing mummies to the rescue. Once animal lovers, they now fairly shriek "I taw it! I did taw a Coyote!"
Erroneous descriptions are nothing new on Law & Order Kanata, this one seems distorted by estrogen (and maybe even some Margueritas) leading to Maude's Paul Martin-like grimace and: "It's a big boy, that's for sure! Had to be 60, 70 pounds!"
Listen lady, coyotes are small wild dogs, slightly larger than most foxes (also seen in these suburban parts). They're skinny little things and eat mice, garbage, maybe a squirrel on a good day.
Our coyote is a female. She is now a mother. She has at least 3 pups. I have seen her twice, once I was inadvertently within 12-15 feet of her and all she wants to do is raise her little family in peace. There are no wolves here to kill her pups. Nor hillbillies with guns. The suburbs are safe. Still lots of field mice and I guess garbage and maybe even green box morsels.
This skinny little mama is just trying to get by, calm down. When the pups are bigger they'll all move on. For now just say "Howdy Neighborino!' like your hubby Neddy would.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
My eyes glaze over when these "jersey" types (as opposed to "sweater" types) start on about "faceoff percentages" "take-aways" and "possession time" in hockey. Get ready for the new Americanized game we used to know and love. Every moment, gesture and mistake is explained with statistics, analysis and American genius.
Got two guys on your telecast or radio broadcast? Why not have six?
Show us replays, slo-mo replays, replays from other games, live action from other games, games last week, games in Russia, a card game at the diner? ADHD. Slo mo replay of Jennifer Tilly popping her top blouse button (dangerous).
Hockey used to be exciting.
Now since the Roger Neilson-ization and Americanization it's been reduced to a statistical exercise and rehashing contest between flapping jaw "experts."
I LONG for the '60's and '70's when the Canadiens played "French CANADIAN Firewagon Hockey" and no one had to fly in Mike Milbury for his 'bon mots' or washed up mediocre goalies galore who shall remain nameless because they deserve obscurity rather than the constant never-ending limelight. I'm going to beat you to death with your mic you...
Pierre Gauthier continues Boob Gainey's Euro-smurf campaign.
Agony, they name is la trappe.
The Saviour Carey Price went three years between playoff wins at home, Jaroslav Halak is demonized in Canadiens chat rooms and we're this close to bringing the Stanley Cup home.
"Rebuilding since 1979."
That feels better.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Contrary to what one sports nut wrote this morning May is the cruelest month.
Unlike last year when Jaroslav Halak won nine games, this spring Carey Price only won three. Obfuscation and misdirection about St. Louis's season, Jaro's save percentage, the price of olive oil in Sicily only serve to further demonstrate the desperate and unsportsmanlike chip on the should of Jaro-bashers and Price-worshipers (usually one and the same).
The flaky adolescents of all ages shouting on the Gazette page(s) can have it. I leave them to their own twisted devices. Literary Sybians and wankers all, they cannot do the simplest math. Jaro Halak won three times as many games as Price did, stealing virtually all of them with 40 and 50 save Hall of Fame calibre goaltending.
Price? Well he had some good 30 save performances but folded (again) with two home losses which blew the first round series. He eventually won a third game. It was his first playoff win at home in three years.
May used to be the halfway point in the Canadien's journey to the Stanley Cup. Now it's the time for delusional adolescents to tell us we're this close just because we made the playoffs and Carey is so good. I'm done with that level of teenage dope-ery.
I will not take instruction from those who are not even old enough to remember the Canadiens' last win (18 years ago).
The 32 year post-Sam Pollock rebuilding continues. Oh and Sammy? You can have Irving Grundman back.
I said May was cruel didn't I?
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
You know what you have to do. Sternly instruct GaineyGauthierMartin you will not stand for any more players like Pyatt and Moen. The inexplicable affinity Jacques Martin has for no talent bums like these will no longer be tolerated.
No more head games with young players like Pouliot, Lapierre, Latendresse, AK74, O'Byrne, D'Agostini, Grabowski etc. What a waste!
No more shabby treatment of guys who not only did the job but did it well: Halak, Moore, Metropolit, Lang, coach Carbonneau et al.
No more drafting from Japan (!!!) and Germany.
More players from the Quebec league, this is the Montreal Canadiens not the New York Americans.
No more Smurfs!!! At least one Laraque/Boogard-sized nasty bastard who will 'deal with' the likes of Chara, Luchicken, Pronger, Clutterbuck etc. It's a dirty violent game. You must have a policeman and several bigger players who will prevent things like the Chara brutality and other bullies taking liberties with your stars.
Remember Fergy, Nilan, Bugsy and others.
Lots of work to do. We went backwards this year, unacceptable, and the beatings Pacioretty, Markov and others took was disgraceful.
Time to take your so-called brain trust out to the woodshed. This ain't Woodstock, lose the flowers in your hair or lose again and again.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Price ain't no Halak (last night was his first home win in over three years) and the Broons' tying goal was a(nother) stinker but he did what he had to do to win and we're headed to Bahstan for game seven, where for one team it will be game sever.
Without a productive Pleky, injured Pacioretty, released Domenic Moore Glenn Metrpolit, Robert Lang, traded Sergei Kostitsyn, wounded Wiz, sprained nkee'd Desharnais and Go35gameswithagoalmez thinning the ranks one way or another, Gio, PK and Cammer are all the Canadiens have.
The strange Jacques Martin philosophy whereby it is preferable to have Travis Moen (0 goals) and Tom Pyatt (0 goals) in the lineup rather than hot and very cold Benoit Pouliot continued, as did the ridiculous (but successful, this time at least) 'kitty bar the door' hockey.
No doubt the CH will explode out of the gate in Beentown (sic) and try and get the first goal (or two) and sit on it like mother goose trying to hatch a second round appearance. Time for Andrei Kostitsyn and Pleky to make an appearance and a goal from the so called grinders would certainly help.
Game "sever." Anything is possible.
Monday, April 25, 2011
I've had it with chatrooms.
Boy, half the columnists and chat room idiots at the Gazette website should be making mud pies for each other.
Finger painting drooling adolescent 'Einstones.'
Caged chimps (or less evolved simians) throwing scat at the world and each other.
Guy Boucher and the Tampa Bay Lightning just may advance to the second round with OLD FORWARDS like Vinny and Marty. I capitalize 'old forwards' because of the nose thumbing that greeted my 'sign Teemu Selanne' post especially from 'head' genius Mike Boone. Wednesday niight we'll know for sure as they could become one of the few teams trailing a series 3-1 to come back.
Well Boone, Teemu Selanne had 31 goals and 80 points this year. Name the Canadien who did (or ever will do) that.
If OLD FORWARD Teemu came to the Canadiens he would immediately be the Canadiens' best forward statistically as well as talent-wise. Hell, he would be their best player.
Oh and for the numbskulls who have been dissing Guy Boucher (late of the Hamilton Bulldogs): again, Guy Boucher and his "old forwards" just might advance to the second round of the playoffs. One more win...
Will Jacques Martin, Carey Price and the other blue chippers be able to even get to a seventh game?
Friday, April 22, 2011
So the predictable "experts" (Hockey Insideout peanut gallery at the Gazette's fanatic site) are still teeing off on Jaroslav Halak.
I have never understood this resentment against the little underdog who never got any respect from the likes of them, Canadiens coaching staff, management or the media.
Point final: your grapes and envy can never erase the wonderful miracle of 2010 and your delusional assessment of Carey Price is pathetic.
Price has now lost seven straight playoff games at home. Seven. Listen sweeties, if you give him praise when he wins and it is justified, more power to you. But if you can't see there's a spook between his ears and he's folding like a cheap card table there's something wrong with your blind loyalty.
No, this is not another case of "they love you win or tie," it's a call for balance, fairness and class.
Just admit Jaro never had any respect, any expectations and he exceeded our wildest dreams for playoff thrills and success.
Price on the other hand, as I've said (too) many times, is a poster boy, phenom, blue chipper, who when he was given the keys to the franchise has repeatedly faltered. Yes he took a big step in his development with what was generally an exceptional regular season.
But sports history is littered with the bodies of those regular season heroes who lay a big one in the playoffs. Joe Thornton and Roberto Luongo are the two reigning chumps.
If Price bakes another brownie in Boston he'll be on his way to confirming what I have feared for the last three years: he should have played an entire season in Hamilton in the AHL as a character and career-building exercise. Instead he was promoted too early and has been given a free pass time and time again. This is not even his fault, it's just another example of the poor judgement of the Canadiens brain trust.
He's all alone now, let's see what he's really made of. Blue chipper or a flameout?
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Bizarre and boorish behaviour is nothing new to certain boo birds (in the press and the stands both) but the Pouliot and Halak targeting are on the one hand silly and out of place and on the other completely bizarre.
Pouliot is 23 and was a high draft pick by Minnesota and may never develop into the NHL player scouts predicted but to saddle all the team's missteps and under achieving on him is silly, uncalled for and inaccurate. Plenty of blame to go around. Let's face it, this is not a blue chip team deep in talent. If they don't score first, play the trap and play it hard and the goalie isn't a thief they lose.
The continued jabs at Halak by big mouthed wags on the Gazette's HockeyInsideOut website are completely unfathomble and I'm not going to analyze the psyche (or the IQ) of these Einsteins.
Put this in your pipe: until Carey Price wins one playoff series he is a bigger bust than Benoit Pouliot. Anybody can be a man in the regular season. It's the guys' cojones who clang like iron in the playoffs that matter.
Turning on the only hero Canadiens have had since the last cup win (1993) makes about as much sense as the fawning over Saku Koivu by certain lovestruck teenyboppers. Brian Gionta is a better captain and a better hockey player. Hell, Mike Keane was a better captain.
Time for Price - and the hyenas - to sober up. Time for Carey to deliver on his promise. If he blows this series it's time to pull his free pass. He hasn't gotten it done yet. Win this series. Be the superstar they say you are. Until then you're Chuck Connors.
Trade Halak? "The mother of all brain dead decisions" according to Red Fisher. What did they get for him? Two nobodies with fewer goals than...Benoit Pouliot.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Wtf is it about certain open-mouth Habs fans who have this hate-on for Jaroslav Halak? To this day many hate him and refuse to give him credit for the miraculous run during the 2010 playoffs with a mediocre Canadiens team that allowed 50 shots against per game. He has a lifetime .923 save percentage in the playoffs. He was a hero at the Olympics, almost stealing a medal for Slovakia. He bailed out the Canadiens when Price went in the shipper and earlier when Huet and Aebischer stank the house up.