Saturday, May 28, 2011

Where did my beloved game of hockey go???


My eyes glaze over when these "jersey" types (as opposed to "sweater" types) start on about "faceoff percentages" "take-aways" and "possession time" in hockey. Get ready for the new Americanized game we used to know and love. Every moment, gesture and mistake is explained with statistics, analysis and American genius.

Got two guys on your telecast or radio broadcast? Why not have six?

Show us replays, slo-mo replays, replays from other games, live action from other games, games last week, games in Russia, a card game at the diner? ADHD. Slo mo replay of Jennifer Tilly popping her top blouse button (dangerous).

Hockey used to be exciting.

Now since the Roger Neilson-ization and Americanization it's been reduced to a statistical exercise and rehashing contest between flapping jaw "experts."

I LONG for the '60's and '70's when the Canadiens played "French CANADIAN Firewagon Hockey" and no one had to fly in Mike Milbury for his 'bon mots' or washed up mediocre goalies galore who shall remain nameless because they deserve obscurity rather than the constant never-ending limelight. I'm going to beat you to death with your mic you...

Pierre Gauthier continues Boob Gainey's Euro-smurf campaign.

Agony, they name is la trappe.

The Saviour Carey Price went three years between playoff wins at home, Jaroslav Halak is demonized in Canadiens chat rooms and we're this close to bringing the Stanley Cup home.

"Rebuilding since 1979."

That feels better.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

May is the cruelest month


Contrary to what one sports nut wrote this morning May is the cruelest month.

Unlike last year when Jaroslav Halak won nine games, this spring Carey Price only won three. Obfuscation and misdirection about St. Louis's season, Jaro's save percentage, the price of olive oil in Sicily only serve to further demonstrate the desperate and unsportsmanlike chip on the should of Jaro-bashers and Price-worshipers (usually one and the same).

The flaky adolescents of all ages shouting on the Gazette page(s) can have it. I leave them to their own twisted devices. Literary Sybians and wankers all, they cannot do the simplest math. Jaro Halak won three times as many games as Price did, stealing virtually all of them with 40 and 50 save Hall of Fame calibre goaltending.

Price? Well he had some good 30 save performances but folded (again) with two home losses which blew the first round series. He eventually won a third game. It was his first playoff win at home in three years.

May used to be the halfway point in the Canadien's journey to the Stanley Cup. Now it's the time for delusional adolescents to tell us we're this close just because we made the playoffs and Carey is so good. I'm done with that level of teenage dope-ery.

I will not take instruction from those who are not even old enough to remember the Canadiens' last win (18 years ago).

The 32 year post-Sam Pollock rebuilding continues. Oh and Sammy? You can have Irving Grundman back.

I said May was cruel didn't I?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

SMASHING HOT TRADE (suggestion)


Price and Subban for Ovechkin.

Strike now while the iron (and the owner) is hot!

Then get Nabokov from the Isles.

Geoff Molson, you can even let the Ghost take credit for it.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011